Pisʹmena and Rìjì
by See-Le-Fairy-Witch
Summary: Letters and Diaries. Ivan sends Yao a series of love letters and Yao writes his feelings in a diary after reading it. Rochu. It's going to be sad in some bits but read it anyway.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So these will be short chapters but I'm hoping to make you cry -crosses fingers-. This is just a series of love letters sent to Yao then Yao's diary entry after reading the letter.**

**Don't like, don't read.**

**I don't own these characters or Hetalia but this is my plot. Claims!**

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_My dearest Yao Yao,_

_You've been through so much pain, seen so much suffering, felt so much sadness._

_When I saw you broken, your family gone, I just wanted to protect you. So I became bigger; I gained more control but I guess somewhere along the way…_

_I lost my sanity and my way. I hurt you. I hurt lots of people. People I like and people I love. _

_I want you to know. I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to save you from this world_

_I know you can take care of yourself. You're strong, proud and powerful but I couldn't help myself- I lost control and I had to help you._

_I know I don't deserve your love- none of us do- but if you decide to love again._

_Please remember me… because I'll always be here _

_I'll never leave you._

_I promise._

_Ivan,_

_Dear diary,_

_Today Ivan wrote me a letter confessing his love for me. I couldn't help but think how much courage it took to write that. To tell me everything…_

_When I read it, I cried. Not because I didn't like it or I didn't love him back_

_No, because it was my fault he became that- that monster. The one he regrets everyday and cries over every night. I've heard him sobbing in his room._

_I know I shouldn't blame myself but it's my nature. I care deeply for Ivan and I always have. It was hard for me to let him go during the Sino-Soviet split. I felt empty for days but it had to be done._

_I just keep thinking why he would send this to me? Why now…_

**A/N: Done! Please don't hesitate to point out any grammer mistakes. I don't mind. **

**Also there will be four more chapters. I'll update next week :D**

**R&R**

**-See le Fairy Witch-**


	2. Chapter 2

_My dearest Yao Yao,_

_I know you won't reply to me so I just wanted to tell you about the day I fell in love with you. I remember I was being chase; I was sore, my feet were cold, my face was bleeding. _

_I ran as fast as I could… until I found you in a field. You saw me through the flowers_

_And smiled but I ran away. I know I shouldn't of but I told him about you and about my love for you. Then he destroyed you, took over your country and beat you down. I avoided you because I felt so guilty_

_I know now that was the first time you had been defeated. So you can see why I blame myself for each time you fell and each time your heart broke. It was because I started it. I was your song Yao, The Chinese Song. _

_I'm sorry. _

_Please forgive me_

_Ivan._

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_Dear Diary,_

_Today Ivan sent me another letter. He blames himself for my defeat against the Golden Horde. What he doesn't realize is that I don't blame him. It wasn't his fault I was defeated._

_I feel guilty because I don't remember him in that field and I don't remember smiling at him. He remembers it so well as the time he fell in love with me but I don't even remember the field he wrote about. _

_Ivan had a horrible childhood and I wish I knew he was there at the Golden Horde's house. Then maybe I could've sheltered him and stopped his mind cracking. Stopped everything._

_He'd get older and we'd fall in love and then everything would be perfect. _

_The things that would have happened if love had found me first_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey so I'm replying to a review I got from the last chapter.**

**_"So Ivan hallucinated or imagined the field?"_**

**No, Yao is just so old he doesn't remember something he deemed as not important at the time it happened. **

**R&R?**

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_My Dearest Yao Yao,_

_I know you don't want to write me back because you're scared. I don't blame you but this is real. I really do love you Yao. _

_I want to wake up and see you lost in sweet dreams, see you smile as you cook and then watch your eyes shine when I compliment you. _

_I want to see you scowl at me and laugh with me. I wish I could compliment you every day and watch that red tinge spread across your cheeks like you didn't know how handsome or how amazing you were._

_I remember when you used to live with me, just vaguely, I don't remember much from the Soviet Union… _

_I do remember watching you read a book as you eat. I remember all the ungodly thoughts that went through my head and how I just wanted to take you by force but I'd never do that now. I'm sorry for thinking like that everyday. _

_Now when I think of you quietly eating- I think of how your eyes skim the book, how half the crumbs fall onto you lap and how you run your tongue along your bottom lip to capture the other stray crumb._

_I love you so much._

_I just wanted to tell you that I chose the room that faces south so I can look out my window into the unforgiving cold and still think that somewhere right in front of me is the most amazing person on the earth. _

_I believe your reading my letters and keeping them somewhere safe. So when you feel abandoned you can read these and know you're not alone. _

_Ivan,_

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_Dear Diary,_

_I can't take these letters anymore. One more and I'll run over to his house and fall to the ground at his door. _

_At first they were sweet but now I can't stop thinking about him. About what would be different if we had fallen in love. _

_Would he treasure me like he says or would he think like the Soviet Union? Would he try to take me by force again? Leaving me to run into the cold as my only escape. Then I remember that Ivan is different. He wants to be with me because he love me…_

_And I love him back. I want to tell him but I don't know how._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Second last chapter, this one is a bit teary. So enjoy~~ Any questions then just ask and don't hesitate to reveiw. **

**R&R?**

_My Dearest Yao Yao,_

_This will be my final letter to you. I promise and I never break a promises so don't worry. _

_Maybe in another life we can be together because I'll make better choices and become a nation that deserves someone like you. _

_Even if I came back as a sunflower I'd never point to the sun. No, I'd point only to you so I could observe your smile everyday._

_Not the fake ones though you're real grins that light up the room. _

_Until then though please don't close yourself off because of me. You're strong and I know you can make it._

_Also please remember to laugh everyday and give everyone those big grins I live for. If you do I'm sure someone else will fall in love with you- and someone who deserves you and will treat you right. _

_I'll watch over you, I'll watch every smile because that all I ever wanted: was to watch you smile._

_I will always love you, Yao. _

_Ivan._

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_Dear diary,_

_Today my siblings found me crying on Ivan's bed. I was clutching those letters to my chest and sobbing my heart out. _

_I get these letters once every six months and every time I die more on the inside. _

_Why did he send me these? It only makes me realize what a fool I was._

_I should've seen he loved me. I could've made things right. I would've let him in. I didn't know…_

_Now I can never tell him I love him back._

_Because Ivan disappeared, he couldn't take being a nation anymore and destroyed himself. There is no more personification for Russia, he killed himself only two years after the collapse of the Soviet Union._

_He's been dead for 2 years…_

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**A/N: So there, bam. **

**The short of it all is after the collapse of the Soviet Union Ivan couldn't take it anymore and destroyed himself as a nation and as a person meaning the personification of Russia disappeared leaving only the nation itself. I was thinking about writing a side one shot for this but what do you guys think? There will be character death. **

**R&R?**

**-See le Fairy Witch-**


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